this is def t-shirt material

Amen, sister! i couldn't agree more.

short, and bitter.

no...not me. i'm sort of tall and very sweet. ha.

i do not appreciate being told how to do my job. i have worked at the same place for the past, what? fifty years? i can do my job, and yours better than you can even dream about.

i know what time to clock out for the day. i know what time to go to lunch. i know how to scan out rpl and what to do if it's a "number not found." i know how to prioritize merch tasks. i know how to tell which things are still on sale and which are not. i know what to do if i'm back-up and the cashier hasn't come in yet. i can do pretty much everything at this point, but the things that i am being reminded of are insulting.

so, quit it. or i'll elbow you in the chest.

she strikes again!!!

same biddy that wrote me that note below left a handwritten note in my box over the weekend. this note begs to be read out loud, but since i don't plan to record an audio blog here in my office, you'll just have to read it to yourself ("you," in this case, may mean "nobody," or perhaps just "me"). She's giving me a 4th set of corrections on a flyer i made for her, and if my job doesn't change soon, either in responsibilities here or just a new employer entirely, i'm going to run away. Here's the note:

Hi (scrappy),
Thanks! It looks great. Please make! a few Changes!
1) "CELEBRATION" "letters in BLACK," "stands up better."
2) Make sure! Put! "SINGLE, COUPLE, ALL AGES"
3) Put under ground Parking in the address Box.

It's the random quotes and the exclamation points that really get me. and the fact that i've had to correct this same damn flyer 1,000 times more than i've ever had to correct a flyer, ever. very over it.

i just...hunh?

I am looking at a document right now that is so disastrously misspelled and mangled, i was almost insulted that i received it. Come on! It's typed, and there is no way that any computer new enough to function doesn't have some functioning form of spell check. As a matter of fact, i feel compelled to recreate it right here (to add insult to injury, it's in ALL CAPS, so it's as though the errors are being SCREAMED IN MY FACE):

CELEBRATION DABCE

LOVE TO DANCE IS CELEBRATING THE GRAND OPENING

NEW DANCE FLOOR

OPEN TO CUMUNITY EVERY ONE WLCOME
ADMISIION $5.00

"Cumunity" sounds like how you'd talk about the group of people who make adult films.
i think i listen to too much Free FM.
boy, i hope no one i work with ever finds this thing...

More?!?!?!!

first of all, let me say this:

Just...guh. boo. hate 'em. probably why i usually avoid them. that only works for so long, though. they find you, somehow.

now for fun things! or, at least, creepy things!

How greendress earns that rock-hard bod!

Rick and greendress, stretchin' it out

Leg up, greendress!

????

totally off-topic

I know, this isn't pertinent. but if i don't share this with the universe, i will exploooode. i got these pictures from an event--i've actually been getting pictures from this person (the guy in the sparkly vest, as you'll see) for a while now, but this is easily the creepiest set of pictures yet. the captions are, of course, my own. prepare to be weirded out.

i shall call her... greendress. i do not know her name. just as well, because i'd have a helluva time being as mercilessly cruel if i had half a notion as to who she was.

Greendress is flexible!

Greendress is...bending!

greendress is, well, bending a different way this time!

greendress saucyface has less cellulite than me. i hate you, greendress.

greendress is whimsical!

greendress is nonplussed to be consorting with people so obviously far beneath her.

Oh, you, greendress...

Greendress is humoring her many fans.

and there you go. and that's not even all the pictures that this man has sent me! i don't ask for these things. they just come to me. so, internet, now they're yours. congrats.

convenience friends

there are people (and we all know them) who are only around when they need you. i am tired of being around to serve the needs of those people.

if you consider yourself a friend, you should be available at all times. this may seem to be asking a lot, and it is, but it is also necessary. now, i'm not saying that you should be willing to drop everything you're doing when a friend calls and asks you to go watch some karaoke and eat some cheese fries. which, by the way, one should always be willing to do. but when a friend calls, you should either: a) answer your damn phone or b) CALL THEM BACK!

it is not ok to ignore friends. what if something life-changing and critical were going on in their life and you were simply too self-involved to respond?

it takes as little as ten seconds to text someone. just a quick "what's up?" because when i call you, it's generally not just to chat. i want to see you or i desperately need to talk to you. and, as a friend, you should be respond. when you don't, you take away my worth as your friend.

and friends don't do that.