teen angst.

*9-17-97

it's almost as if life isn't worth living anymore. i feel completely as though it isn't, but i say almost because there may be something i am overlooking. but i doubt it. as a good friend once said, "life is a sea of shit." before, i thought he may have been exaggerating, but now i know he speaks the truth. he is wiser than anyone i have ever known. he was able to recognize what vile creatures we, as humans, are. i, for example, never accomplish anything good for someone beside myself and only cause pain or indifference...which may only make sense to me. and it's not fair for me to be around people anymore...i have utter contempt for everyone. and i imagine i'm showing it in one way or another. and if these people are happy then i shouldn't prematurely rain on their parades. they must realize in their own time how disgusting they are...or just remain oblivious to the fact. whichever...it is no bother to me-it no longer concerns me. although all this was true before, i had something to keep my mind off of such atrocities. but now, it seems as though that, too, is falling apart. (the story of my life-letdown after letdown)*

good god. dramatic much?

poor food choices.

ok, seriously. i know when i really want to eat something and when i don't. but when something is called the baconator, how can one resist? no human could!

so, i ordered the baconator yesterday and, upon the first bite, came up with several more appropriate names, the greaseanator being the most fitting. i could only eat about 1/3 of the damn thing before giving up. but even with that amount of "food" in my system, i was miserable. my stomach was so disappointed with me. especially after being so good on south beach. and then this?! the other end of the spectrum. and my stomach actually thought of leaving me yesterday.

i'm not sure that i could have blamed it.

convenience friends

there are people (and we all know them) who are only around when they need you. i am tired of being around to serve the needs of those people.

if you consider yourself a friend, you should be available at all times. this may seem to be asking a lot, and it is, but it is also necessary. now, i'm not saying that you should be willing to drop everything you're doing when a friend calls and asks you to go watch some karaoke and eat some cheese fries. which, by the way, one should always be willing to do. but when a friend calls, you should either: a) answer your damn phone or b) CALL THEM BACK!

it is not ok to ignore friends. what if something life-changing and critical were going on in their life and you were simply too self-involved to respond?

it takes as little as ten seconds to text someone. just a quick "what's up?" because when i call you, it's generally not just to chat. i want to see you or i desperately need to talk to you. and, as a friend, you should be respond. when you don't, you take away my worth as your friend.

and friends don't do that.

i'll tell you what!

is it too much to ask that someone acknowledge when i extend a common courtesy?

when i hold a door open for the person behind me i want a quick "thanks!" i know i shouldn't expect it because i'm holding the door open to help someone out, not to hear their praise. but it is nice to have said person's recognition for an act of good citizenship.

yesterday, i let a man back out of his driveway. that's it and he must have waved at me seven times to show his appreciation. that's what i'm talking about.